Stronger? Softer? Weaker? Wiser?

This morning when I was looking for some clothes to wear, a book in my nightstand caught my attention.  It has a cute bookmark with a little woven doll hanging off the end.  Since I sleep in my tatami room in the summer, I basically go into my bedroom to put away or get clothes.

The book is called "Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief."  I received it as part of a lovely gift when my dad passed away.  I started to read it when I got back to Japan after my dad's funeral.  It was one of the best things I received.

I was just thinking this morning about how grief and other challenges in life change us, challenge us, can make us stronger and wiser.  Then I found this book and started flipping through it reading the pages I had dog-eared.  (Yes, I am one of those people!)  There are so many good things I could share, but with the theme I had already been pondering, this meditation caught my eye- and my heart:

"'I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.' - Isak Dinesen
It is a costly wisdom, and God knows we would not have asked for it.  But it is also true that coming through a great sorrow can make us stronger, teach us what is really important.
But to survive the death of a loved one is no guarantee of greater wisdom.  We can also become embittered, reclusive, grasping.  That's when we need friends, communities of faith, even professional help.  But if we can weather the storm, we will have a better sense of who we are and what we want most in life.  And we will learn to savor and cherish cool water, sunshine and wind, the smell of roses - and the love and friendship we have now.
I will take time to notice the gifts life gives me, and be thankful."

I am so thankful for my family, friends, and communities of faith that have walked this journey with me.  They have helped me to grow stronger, not bitter, to cling to God more tightly, not to walk away in anger, and to remember who I am, not to give up and live in denial.

Using chopsticks, eating new food, having a daughter
who lives on the other side of the world, all challenging things!

I have learned to stand in God's strength, to listen to others with a softer heart, to accept my weaknesses, and to seek God's wisdom.

This journey is not an easy one, but it can be a sweet one when it is taken walking alongside Jesus, my family, my friends, and my faith community.

Reflections

I am out of the practice of writing.  Not only on my blog, but also in other areas of life.  This is a good place for me to return and start up again.  I don't know if anyone will even read this or even remembers that I have a blog.  But, for me, that is not the point.  The point is to write.  Writing helps me reflect on life, thoughts, attitudes, actions.  It gives me a few moments of quiet, keeps me off of social media for a few minutes, keeps me from watching TV for a few minutes.

A lot has happened since my last post.  I won't try to review it all.  One of the biggest life-changing events happened, though, and it has had an incredible impact on my life, my way of life, my attitudes and my actions.  Six months after I took the trip to SD and then to Haiti, my dad graduated from this life and is now living in the presence of Jesus.  This new reality now impacts every part of my life and will probably come up as I write.

I had just turned 47 years old.  My dad has been the man in my life since I was born.  47 was not my favorite year.  It was hard.  It was messy.  I learned more in that year than I wanted to learn.  But, through it all, Jesus stuck with me.  When I was sad, mad, confused, joyful, content, Jesus was there.

I am now approaching 49.  I know we like to say that age is just a number.  Yet, I think there is significance in paying attention to and celebrating the passing of time.  Our lives are but a breath.  Like the lilies of the field, here today and gone tomorrow.  What have these years of my life meant?  What have I learned?  How have I grown?

These are important questions.  I hope they keep coming up in my mind as I reflect on life.  I hope I keep paying attention to the answers and the ponderings that spring up from these questions.

Here we go again!  Where is God going to take me?